As any A-Level geography student knows, as long as they are not a member of the Flat Earth Society, China is directly opposite on the globe to the United States of America. This has lead one maverick biologist to come to a remarkable explanation for American obesity: It is the Earth's way of keeping the planet balanced.
With over one billion people in China, there is a large number of people. With only half a billion people in America, in order to stop the planet spinning off its axis due to an imbalance in weight, American's have to weigh twice as much per person as the Chinese.
"Originally," said Penelope Gwinne, "Nature tried counterbalancing the weight by making American's taller, but this only worked for a little while. No nature has no choice but to make American's wider. Unfortunately, people being people, a quarter of the population have taken up excessive exercise to retain their willowy figures meaning that their excessive weight has to be spread across the other three quarters of the population. This has led to the obesity we see today."
It is a controversial theory, but there is additional evidence that lends, erm, weight to the idea. Obesity in Australia is on the increase, to counterbalance the massive population of Europe.
So what can be done to counteract this epidemic?
"Well," said Gwinne, "We redistribute the world's population, spread out the populous countries, such as China, across the globe, and weights will quickly start to decline."