Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 9 May 2005

image for Ask Your Doctor About Umbilicex.

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Paris Hilton are just a few of the big stars who have been taking Umbilicex for years. If you are one of the millions of people who are embarrassed by the appearance of your belly button, prescription strength Umbilicex tablets may help you. Umbilicex (um-BILL'-eh-sex) promotes normal belly button appearance even in severe cases of inwardness or outwardness. At last there is relief from the embarrassment felt during sunbathing or even wearing hip hugger jeans and short tops.

Easy to chew Umbilicex tablets are pleasant tasting and provide noticeable relief from symptoms for up to two hours.

Do NOT take Umbilicex if you have eaten a meal in the past 12 hours or are prone to sweat after running up hills. People who have more than one cold per decade, have a pulse, eye pigment, or urinate more than once a day should not take Umbilicex.

Umbilicex works by releasing the tension in your belly button, giving it a natural appearance that is attractive to most individuals between the ages of 22 and 23. In the unlikely event that Umbilicex causes your belly button to extend or retract more than two inches, be sure and seek immediate medical assistance at a fully equipped trauma center.

Before taking Umbilicex, you should discuss with your doctor any of the following pre-conditions: ulcers, liver problems, rectal itching, pus-like discharge from the ears, or warts.

Common side effects include angina, doubling of body weight, development of third breast (only in males), lung cancer, diabetes, baldness, stroke, hair on palms, flatulence, kidney disease, impotence, long-term memory loss, and extreme susceptibility to giant warts.

Serious side effects such as spontaneous ignition, sudden decapitation, and bowel explosion have been reported in up to 65% of Caucasians, Blacks, and Asians taking Umbilicex for the first time.

Be sure and ask your doctor if Umbilicex is right for you. Only he can properaly weigh the benefits and risks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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