For years, Darwin's theories involving humans and apes, and whether or not both shared a common ancestor, was always lacking definitive proof in the form of fossilized remains of the theorized creature.
That issue exists no more: a complete fossil of a being clearly of both human and simian ancestry has been located amongst Charles Darwin's possessions.
"Apparently, his family forgot to pay Public Storage for his rented garage," said Dr. B.J. Andthebear, head of the Jade Goody Institute for Human/Simian hybrids. "All of his sh-t went to auction, and the fossil was purchased and brought to us."
The fossil's DNA-test showed the presence of about 30% great-ape DNA in a bipedal hominid with a skull that can accommodate a human-sized brain.
"Since Darwin established that all species of life have descended over time from common ancestors," continued the Doctor. "Creating the unifying theory explaining the diversity of life, it has been theorized that there must exist a intermediate evolutionary step between Bubbles the Chimp and Prince Charles."
"There are a number of people born in the last 75 years or so that clearly appear to have enough monkey DNA to exhibit simian characteristics," concluded the doctor. "From Ron Perlman and Ian Brown to PAtrick Ewing, Jade Goody and Michelle Obama, we've always known that this creature exists."
Michelle Obama criticized the Institute's findings: "It is racist to say I look like a monkey," Obama cried, while peeling a banana with her feet. "Besides, look at Ginger Spice! Now there is a shaved orangutan if ever I saw one.