Incredibly brainy scientist guy Stephen Hawking has revealed in his latest book how he created God.
Hawking, who invented the mobile phone, the satellite dish, the Internet, wheelie bins and bendy buses, but didn't invent Facebook, reveals how he used a piece of string and a black hole to create God in a hadron collider in his parents' garage when he was still an akward teenager. He accelerated particles to a subatomic speed and fired them through a quantum discharger using an "m" theory.
The process took approximately six days and when it was over, he had a grey haired old man in his garage. He hid this old man for several years, knowing that his parents would probably have been upset and grounded him for creating God without their permission, and brought Him scraps of food from every meal, resulting in personal malnutrition and muscle wasting which caused him to become wheelchair bound in later life. In return, God helped him with his homework, taught him how to par-ty and gave him dating tips. When Hawking left home to go to University, he released God into the wild and hasn't seen him since.
The revelation has stunned the world, but hasn't been challenged, mainly because the maths involved is so advanced that nobody understands it.
Hawking's next book, due out next year, is to be entitled "How I got drunk and created the Devil by mistake - sorry".