Leading Joddrell Bank scientist, Doctor Arista Flicka contended today that if the planet Earth is ever invaded by alien species that they will probably assume the form of statuesque Amazonian type women, with enormous natural breasts, long lithe legs, and big 80's style hairdos, wearing nothing but thigh-length, stiletto heeled black leather boots and skimpy thongs.
Citing an incident two years ago in Basingstoke as an example, Dr Flicka is convinced that any race of aliens intent on conquering the earth will focus their attention on mankind's greatest weakness - large breasted, almost naked females.
"Who can resist them?" he challenged reporters. "Even the ladies get hot under the collar about that sort of thing."
Dr Flicka went on to say that the bare breasted alien women would probably go around seducing humans in a sexily suggestive manner, making come to bed eyes at people and licking their lips a great deal as their gaze heads south, to 'the business end of man' so to speak.
"They'll undoubtedly have lesbian tendencies," Dr Flicka asserted. "And what they'll do - probably - is shag humankind to bits, literally bang us out of existence. It has been written that a big bang started the universe, and therefore it follows that a big bang shall end it."
Dr Flicka declined to go into specifics, but cautiously implied that the big bang to end all big bangs would probably involve a seething mass of naked bodies, inflamed to a point beyond reason, furry handcuffs, pink candles, gallons of baby oil, butt-plugs, roller skates, gas masks, Swiss army knives, fresh fruit, overripe tomatoes, bottles of Southern Comfort, tons of viagra, Duracell batteries, various plastic vibrating devices, and a barrel of whelks.
"I foresee much thrusting," he opined. "Frantic, desperate thrusting. With gasping, and a lot of moaning. It's quite possible that some human females will become delerious with ecstasy and start howling like wolves, and that the men will pull funny faces, looking like they're chewing a particularly bitter lemon. And sweat - there will be a great deal of sweat. All broadcast on the internet via live feeds as the human race literally blows its ballast tanks consigning itself to perpetual oblivion."
Porn star Carmella Bing laughed when told of the impending doom, and told us:
"It just sounds like a regular day at the orifice to me."
More as we get it.