Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Cars

Friday, 27 August 2010

image for It's New, It's Exciting: It's CarC*ck, The Love-Lumber for your Luggage Rack.
No, silly, not that kind of... Oh, what a hack joke. Forget it.

Overweight nerds with six-figure incomes and short c-list celebrity-types rejoice; a new company will allow you to take to the streets in a stunning phallic representation, at 1/3 to 1/2 the cost of an International CXT Pickup.

Did You Know?

That the CarCock is currently the 4th most popular thing a--hole drivers affix to their cars. So, watch your backs, "Coexist" bumper stickers, tow-bar fake plastic testicles and gigantic rear spoiler for 1985-1991 Honda Civics!

CarCock(http://www.carcock.web/dinkydork) will fasten a lifelike rubber dingus to any car or truck, so all the world can see just what you're packing!"

"Historically, inadequate men had to buy a Rolls Royce, or one of those ridiculous Hummer Limos, in order to measure up, so to speak. " said Gabriella Marylynn, inventor of the carcock. "With my product, it doesn't matter if you fill out your underpants like a preemie in cold water, you're still rocking the biggest schvantz on the road!"

The carcock comes in sizes medium, large and Shaq, and in colors ranging from Robert Pattison to Wesley Snipes.

"It really makes me feel better about myself," said an A-list Hollywood celebrity who wishes that he and his wife Katie remain anonymous. "I strap a carcock onto my Ferrari, and pretend I am f--king the Holland Tunnel. I imagine it's what it looked like on Khloe Kardashian's wedding night."

"Before CarCock," explains R. Smythe, a 48-year-old unemployed former McDonalds employee, "I had to modify my '95 Altima with Altezza lights and Lambo doors to show everyone what a giant dick I am."

"Now that I have an 11-foot meat-seeking pissile on my roof, everyone knows!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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