Scientists revealed Thursday that a seven-planet solar system located 127 light-years away in the constellation Hydrus may include multiple super-earths that would dwarf our puny excuse for a celestial body in comparison.
Earth, already plagued with an increasing sense of self-doubt after a four-and-a-half billion year history that has brought asteroid pockmarks, repeated stripping of its biosphere, and an aging system of tectonic plates whose converging boundaries are believed to be more painful than arthritis, was reportedly despondent by the news despite well-wishes from its natural philosopher friends.
"Earth has nothing to be threatened by, really," said astrophysicist and planetary psychologist T. Callin-Finch. "But you know, some planets are more sensitive about these things than others. It may rain more than usual."
Weather at 11.