A highly respected entomologist in Denmark has been studying the phenomenon of Cooties for decades and has finally ascertained that the little critters actually exist and claims he can prove it.
Dr. Sven Uppenyoursen used his own grandchildren as study subjects and followed them around for a year as they climbed over furniture, slept face-down in their bowls of herring stew and got the usual cuts and scrapes from playing in the park. He then would take samples of their skin to examine under the microscope lens to see if he could find anything out of the ordinary.
For the most part, all he found were the usual bacteria and other little heebie jeebies that dwell on every person's skin. He was stumped. But then, Dr. Uppenyoursen had an idea. He took scrapings from under his grandchildren's toenails and voila, that is where he discovered the cooties hiding out. "Actually, not all the toenails harbor cooties," claims Dr. Uppenyousen. "It is only the little piggy that went to market that seems to have picked up the cooties."
Asked what he meant by this, he brusquely answered "the big toe you idiot, the big toe." While Dr. Uppenyoursen's findings could turn the medical world on its ear, most believe that the good doctor is not quite right in the head and until they can determine that he is in full use of his faculties, are quick to point out that Cooties are not yet confirmed as being a bona fide affliction of young children.