Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Aliens, Mars

Monday, 5 December 2005

At last, the Hubble Telescope has proved its enormous cost as last night the top secret researchers have at last found something new and completely different from the usual Aliens on Mars. In fact, the Research team has at last found some really top news to justify the US budget deficit due to the Hubble telescope. The carrot eating fish from Mars have been spotted, identified, categorised and recognised as the original life form for the whole of the Earth Planet.


Carrots grow in a wide range of climates and so, it is not surprising that they are the only vegetable growing on the frozen seashores of Planet Mars. Other vegetable life forms such as humans would not be able to survive in the arid frozen and airless environment. However, carrots can, due to their red colour, adsorb and absorb the light and nutrients necessary for survival in the most desolate and extreme atmospheres outside the planet Venus and indeed are capable of sustaining the food chain for other life forms.


Carrot Eating Flying fish are believed to have come from originally the Venus Tarius Angle of the Earth Solar System, when they were spun off a wet and atmospheric planet similar to planet Earth. This happened probably about 2300 trillion million years ago as man was just a bacteria in his own soup so to speak.


The planet Earth has almost certainly developed millions of years later due to a slow start up in the bacterial soup temperatures and that Dinosaurs were the first to fully develop into the controlling species. Obviously, human beings had only a limited chance against a fully grown 20 metre Giantius Tynasauraus Rexius as indeed does a pond side growing carrot against a flying carrot eating fish thriving on Mars. Luckily for man, the dinosaurs could not cope with a toxic environment similar to ours today due to pollution from cars and excessive fossil fuel burning.


However, the enthusiastic researchers point out that the completely symbiotic relationship between the Mars carrots and their predictors actually produces huge quantities of oil and similar by products by defecation. Therefore, it would appear for the fossil burning humans, Mars may be the next best stop once Humans have burnt out planet Earth and polluted the entire atmosphere as well as the seas.


However, some bad news was also forthcoming from the expert researchers, initially, the Carrot Eating fish were calculated to be about the size of a family car but due to some initially simple calibration errors, it now appears that the smallest will be the size of a Boeing 747 jet and they can fly in and out of the Mars atmosphere without backup. Worst still, they appear to be able to cope with poisonous gases in their atmosphere due to excessive carrot consumption - Bad luck mankind, lets hope Venus will warm up by the time planet Earth burns up but in the meantime, thanks for the Earth planet micro-carrots.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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