Written by Noshing Mink
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Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for Stephen Hawking to be turned into a Dalek
Hawking Dalek will not be allowed to exterminate his opponents

Nobel scientist Stephen Hawking is to be turned into a Dalek, his spokesman revealed today. The British theoretical physicist, whose career spans 40 years and whose book A Brief History of Time famously revealed that the answer to life the universe and everything isn't 42, apparently made the unusual request over a year ago and it has been considered in secret by Britain's influential Royal Society of London for the Improvement of Natural Knowledge.

Hawking will have a titanium shell built around his wheelchair, with hemispherical protrusions. It has not been revealed whether he will retain his upper body and head, going for the Davros-look, or whether he will opt for the more conventional appearance and be fully encased with a telescopic manipulator arm. Nor has it been announced whether he will choose a gold or other finish. Although Daleks were originally silver-coloured in recent years they have appeared in an assortment of colours.

It is believed that he will retain his existing voice.

The President of the Royal Society, Baron Rees of Ludlow, said that Hawking has promised not to enslave the inhabitants of London, exterminate his opponents, destroy faraway planets or declare war on the cybermen, adding "We didn't think that Professor Hwking would do these things but it's better to be safe than sorry".

Hawking himself said "I am exc-i-ted a-bout the o-ppur-tu-ni-ty to be acc-ep-ted with-in the Dal-ek com-mu-ni-ty where I can stu-dy string theo-ry wi-thout the dis-trac-tions of the hu-man bo-dy such as eat-ing, sleep-ing and goi-ing to the toi-let."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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