Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Poo, Cars

Friday, 13 August 2010

image for Golfer Sophie Horn Buys First Sh-t Powered Beetle

Sophie Horn, a model, certified fitness trainer, 6-handicap golfer and all-around useless meathole, who plans to take the pop-culture world by storm by following the Danica Patrick Plan to fame and fortune (Hotness + modicum of athletic alility + did I mention hotness), will have her name on the lips of tree huggers worldwide when she announces that she will purchase the first Dung Beetle, an alternative-fuel vehicle powered by human waste.

"Look, I'm kinda hot, but not so much that I'll get famous from it, "said Horn, whose website mentions here measurements 4 paragraphs before her golf record. "And my golf game is barely better than my grandfather's. So, I'll show people my boobs and drive a sh-t powered car until I'm famous.

According to the Bristol Stool Chart, the seven types of stool are:

  1. Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass).
  2. Sausage-shaped but lumpy.
  3. Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.
  4. Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft. Resembles Linsday Lohan.
  5. Soft blobs with clear cut edges, passed easily.
  6. Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool. Most used for blumpkins.
  7. Watery stool, entirely liquid.

The Dung Beetle, invented by UK firm Shitfuel, is powered by human excrement. The gas tank is modified to hold as much crap as generated by a family of five after a meal at Applebee's, which is burned to generated electricity, as well as an odor that rivals Britney Spears' underpants.

It is very flexible in terms of methods of fill-ups.

"All one needs to do is flip open the toilet seat cover on the driver's seat," said Bea Minor, director of Cosby Kids In The Pool for Shitfuel. "Driving to pick up the kids? Ass-blast yesterday's rotissiere chicken and Stove Top. Need to travel a bit further, head on over to Taco Bell. Their #5 value meal will get you to work for a week!"

Sophie Horn hopes that the Dung Beetle will drive her name onto the front pages of newspapers worldwide: "Look, either I shit into my car and continue to flash my boobs on the golf course, or I start blowing happily married celebrities for money," said Horn. "It worked for Sarah Palin, right?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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