Written by Charpa93
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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

image for Stephen Hawking Claims Aliens Invading Humans from Inside Our Bodies
The Shitz Bug - Blown up 1000 times it's normal size

"You are no longer alone in your body," was the message of Stephen Hawking's latest talk on whether or not aliens do, in fact, exist on Earth. "You have been looking outside yourselves for little grey men with big bug eyes and brains the size of watermelons, when in fact, tiny little microbes are invading our bodies as we speak. These are the aliens you should be concerned with."

Because Hawking is so much more advanced than most everyone else, no one at the conference could decipher whether or not Hawking was speaking in metaphors or if he seriously believed that every one of us has alien hosts creating havoc in our bodies.

Several researchers from the Center for Disease Control attended the conference as it was given an advance copy of Hawking's paper on the subject. "We are certainly going to try and get to the bottom of this," said Dr. Cray Neum, head researcher in charge of flesh-eating bacteria. "More than once, we've wondered if some of the newer bacteria attacking our bodies simply come from another place."

This is especially true with the fact that MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) seems to be able to regenerate itself regularly so that we now have no antibiotics that can battle the condition and infection rates are climbing dramatically in the world.

According to Hawking, "Next time you get diarrhea or you feel like your skin is crawling with something just under the surface, you may just have picked up a bug--a hitchhiker from another planet."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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