Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: WHO, Custard

Thursday, 5 August 2010

image for WHO Declares Postorgasmic Illness Syndrome "#1 Threat Against Humanity, Boner-wise."
Dr. Smith's application of a cold stethoscope to the patient's penis had tragic shrinkage consequences.

The World Health Organization, the branch of the United Nations that mismanaged SARS, malaria, tuberculosis, swine flu, and AIDS on a global scale, has declared that Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome to be the single-greatest threat to the boner-wielding public since Heather Locklear's looks abandoned her.

POIS, while hysterical, is a dreadful condition characterized by debilitating symptoms following orgasm that last for a few hours to several days.

"This disorder is hideous, and must be eradicated," said Dr. Mydik Hertz, of the Colin Farrell Institute for Penis Health. "Can you imagine knowing that if you orgasm, you'll experience flu-like symptoms for up to a week? Jesus, if that happened to me everytime I masturbated, I would've been on life-support since I was 13."

A spokesperson for the WHO agrees: "Why isn't there greater public outrage about this? If most of the world was aware that this condition existed, I guaran-f--king-tee that the POIS Race For A Cure would dwarf Susan G. Komen's cause."

The WHO is also pressuring The Naked Scientists to leverage their 700,000+ page views toward finding a cure.

"I've read the literature available regarding POIS, and I believe there are three things that need to be done," said Anthony Ainasor, who isn't a doctor, but he plays one on TV. "First, the POIS suffering community must recognize that, just by looking at the broad scope of symptomology reported on the POIS forum, it is obvious that there is more than one disorder being reported. The physiology and methods of treatment are too disparate to suggest that only one presentation of the disorder exists."

"Second, a forum like the one for POIS should feel duty-bound to unify its members into one strong lobbying force," continued Ainasor. "Their members should be writing letters to every public and private sexual health researcher, relentlessly, until someone publicly decides to champion their cause."

Ainasor added: "Third, they need to develop a survey regarding the sufferers' prior medical history, to determine what the common thread is between all the sufferers. Are there many who suffer from Diabetes Insipidus? That suggests vasopressin disorder. Do any sufferers take certain antidepressants? If not, it implied the cause may be based in the reuptake of Seratonin or norepinephrine. Whatever the problem, getting a medical history from POIS sufferers may help diving a cause, and untimately a therapeutic resolution.

Hopefully, The WHO's involvement may help edidicate a disorder that denies its sufferers the right to chuck custard without negative ramifications.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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