Written by victor nicholas
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Friday, 30 July 2010

image for The Evolution of Darwin's Beard
Sideburns May Have Evolved Over Time

The controversy created by Charles Darwin regarding evolution and creationism over one hundred years ago has taken on a new twist centering on the famously extravagant beard of the father of evolution.

Nearly as famous as the man itself, Darwin's beard has suddenly become the focus of the debate.

Was it an act of god or evolution that led to the development of this hirsute icon?

Creationists say only god could have created such a magnificent beard full blown as we are accustomed to remembering the great man.

Barbers say that it simply proves that man was descended from the apes many who wore well-trimmed mustaches, goatees, Van Dykes, and bugger's grips sideburns and sat as members in the house of lords as Darwin's contemporaries.

But all this is all public speculation, what does the real evidence tell us?

At birth Darwin is reported to be completely free of facial hair yet upon reaching manhood it naturally took hold on his visage as a favourable ecological niche. By 1840 and his return from his voyage on the Beagle he was already sporting sideburns. Spurred on by this success the sideburns soon grew together by a process of natural selection and by 1850 covered his entire face. Ten years later Darwin's beard had evolved to encompass his entire head with it's own unique identity, eventually becoming the great white mane the man is known by today.

Creationists deny the slow natural evolution of Darwin's beard claiming that beards can only be a construct of god pointing out the many pictures of the creator in Sunday School literature sitting on clouds sporting a Methuselah length beard as evidence.

Scientists reject this theory outright, saying Ha! and Poppycock.

The debate continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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