Written by Bertram Chapley
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Topics: Space, NASA

Friday, 15 April 2005

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Ford Shuttle 1.6LS

CAPE WINSLET, FLORIDA - NASA have announced that the forthcoming launch of the space shuttle Titanic has been delayed due to technical problems and the crew of 7 have been stood down and sent back to their barracks.

The latest delay is the latest in a series which has dogged the launch. Three weeks ago it was taken to Quik Fit after the clutch started slipping and it was discovered there was a head gasket leak and a blowing manifold.

"Bloody thing would not start this morning" said Neil Sivyer of NASA.
"I called out the AA who attempted a jump start to no avail. We are waiting for the relay van to arrive as we speak"

"These were simple items that should have been picked up under routine maintenance. It was only valeted a week ago and it looks like we may have to do it again before the launch" said an annoyed Neil.

The Shuttle has not flown since 2002 because it was grounded after the roof rack fell off and hit a communication satellite 200 miles above Botswana. It's latest mission was to deliver three Spicy Meat Feasts and a Garlic Bread to the International Space Station but now these have gone cold and may have to be thrown away.

The first problem was the famous incident when driver Buzz Lightyear fell out at 65 thousand feet when the central locking failed. This was before compulsory seat belts on all intergalactic travel was introduced in 1988.

Two years later the first woman astronaut clipped the offside wing bringing it in to Edwards Air Force Base and it spent three months in the Body Shop. Anita Roddick MD of Body Shop said at the time that the damage was quite severe. This resulted in a loss of No Claims Bonus and driving was restricted to Males over 35 years old.

The Space Shuttle was developed in 1949, a joint venture between NASA and Pizza Hut as a multi use re-entry vehicle. It is due to be replaced in 2008 by a white Astra Van which only requires a crew of one and is powered by diesel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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