It's no laughing matter for sufferers of Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome - a condition, which as its name suggests, leaves sufferers of the condition in a constant state of sexual arousal.
A bit like a junkyard dog with two dicks.
Sufferers - most of whom are female - are divided as to how they feel about the Syndrome, with some loving every minute of it, whilst others are so sick and tired of it that they can't bear to be touched, because it will only set them off again.
Sufferers have to be extremely wary when using washing machines, preparing salads involving cucumbers, lighting candles, slicing salami, bathing with cock-shaped bars of soap, riding on buses, riding horses, driving cars, or using a loofah.
To date, there is no known cure for the condition, save a theory involving constant bursts of high voltage electricity, which have been known to provide temporary relief. For the most part though, sufferers just lie in bed all the time constantly pleasuring themselves with a bewildering array of battery operated sex toys, and screeching a lot in-between their partners serving them up slices of pizza for sustenance.
We managed to track down a male sufferer right here in the UK. Harold - Harry The Wank - Peabody, of Much Scrumble on the Bog, Gloucestershire, and he told us of his torment of being in a constant state of arousal, desperate for quick release.
"It all seemed to start when I borrowed 'The Big Boys' Book Of Wanking' by Turkish onanist Izzet Uppyett from the local library," Harold 'Harry The Wank' Peabody told us. "I don't really want to get into all that, you know, the gory details and that. Suffice to say I became positively priapic and had to lob one over the knuckle at least five times an hour.
"That's where I got the 'Harry The Wank' nickname from. I couldn't help meself, even at work. It's no joke having to run to the loo every 10 to 15 minutes to crank one out. I'm all drained these days. A mere shadow of me former self...excuse me...I really must lob one off right now..."
At which point Harry The Wank disappeared into a corner of the room, facing the wall, and frenziedly began spanking the monkey.
Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome? Who'd have it?
Prominent scientists are reported to be hard at work on the problem. For the sake of the unfortunate, affected people, we can only hope that their research comes to an earth-shattering climax soon. And spills the seeds of redemption.
More as it comes in.