Written by C. Cranium
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Topics: Vampires, Mosquito

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

image for What Do Male Mosquitoes Do When the Females are off Vamping?
Central America where malaria is common.

Scientists at the Manual Noriega Malaria Research Institute in Panama City, Panama spend all their time chasing information about female mosquitoes while the male mosquito is virtually ignored. The mosquito research tabulates massive data about the femme fatal mosquito bite, where, the time of the crime, and the results. The male mosquito however is relegated to a footnote about their minuscule contributions during unpleasant sexual encounters, and thankless child rearing duties. Heretofore the lowly male has been identified as only biting fruit.

Serendipity has now revealed that male mosquitoes are resentful of their female counterparts and in tropical areas, and with favorable conditions, the males have taken to diabolical schemes to get back at the promiscuous female. The name mosquito in Spanish is supposed to mean 'little fly'. This however is an age-old erroneous translation and the correct English equivalent is 'Spanish fly' which means aphrodisiac. Early Spanish speaking malaria victims had it right, the female of the anopheles mosquito are pumped up sexually, and during vampire forays often have sex with related species of the insect family Culicidae.

Dr. Ralph Ash, visiting professor of entomology from Louisville University, mistakenly conducted routine procedures on male mosquitoes that revealed unexpected results. When conditions are right male mosquitoes, in an evolutionary aberration, deliberately gather and store the malaria protozoan parasite and then collect the critters when they are sexually mature. The process ensures that female mosquitoes are infected with malaria that the males believe will cause their unfaithful partners harm. The unplanned for consequence is that the females are armed with an infection that they pass on to their blood letting victims.

Researchers are now refocusing their efforts on the male mosquito and what can be done differently to combat malaria. One suggestion, that is hotly protested by environmentalists, is to import the protozoan-eating amoeba Gargantuan from Siberia.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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