Written by Stevey G.
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Topics: Death, Bricks

Thursday, 8 July 2010

image for Dead Bodies to be made into Bricks
Great Uncle Bert....was always a real brick!

The interestingly named CRISP programme (Creative Regional Industrial Symbiosis Programme), is a government-funded project which seeks to find productive and profitable uses for waste products and to direct these to potential users, avoiding land-fill.

Millions of pounds of tax-payer's money has been invested into the project and with some interesting developments. One of these has been the manufacture of house-bricks from the carcasses of dead cattle.

Now, an enterprising funeral director, with the co-operation of her local crematorium, is looking to cash-in on this new eco-technology.

Partners and twin-sisters, Maude and Lynne Adams, from Doncaster, have been in business as 'Maude-Lynne Funeral Directors', for 15 years.

'This is a real break-through' said Maude yesterday.'We can't just keep burying everyone, there's not enough room. Cremation is fine, but all you've got left at the end is an urn full of dust. We believe that making bricks from dead bodies is the future.'

'Just imagine', continued Lynne, 'Great Aunt Beryl could now become part of a wonderful garden feature or Great-Grandad Alfred could be the corner-stone of that new conservatory.'

Apparently the local crematorium have been keen to embrace the new idea and have already converted part of the crematorium oven to a brick kiln.

'It's a no-brainer for us really', said a crematorium spokesman, 'and the bonus is that we've done a deal with a local builder who said he will take any unwanted bricks for cash.....no questions asked.'

Will this catch on? Stranger things have happened!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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