Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 16 June 2010

image for Derek Acorah showcases his new combi-printer
Be careful what you think about

The incredibly talented and hunky psychic, Derek Acorah, unveiled his new printer to the world's press this morning.

This printer also scans, photocopies and faxes, but does it all without wires. There are no wires at all, not even to plug it in. Even more impressively, it does not need a computer. Barely larger than a ream of A4, it is compact as well.

The printer works on thought projection. Whatever the user wishes to print, photocopy, scan or fax is projected into the unit. Acorah has imbued all of the printers with his own special powers, and they retail at a mere one hundred and fifty pounds, expensive for a printer, but without the need to ever purchase ink, toner or electricity again, the device will soon pay for itself.

The new Acorah-Print printer does come with a few warnings though.

"It is advised not to use the device will tired," said Simon Leah, head of research and development at Acorah Retail Supernatural Electronics. "If you fail to concentrate, the device will produce a blank sheet. You also need to keep your focus. It makes for a bad household scene if you're printing off your wedding snaps with your new wife and Linda Lusardi comes out of the device topless. Not that this has happened to me..."

Unfortunately, when the device was demonstrated, it appeared that everybody in the room had different mental images, because the device produced a single sheet of black paper and was engulfed in flames.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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