Written by anthonyrosania
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Wednesday, 16 June 2010

image for Consumers: iPad Not as Absorbent as Leading Pad.
iPad, 77% less absorbent than the leading pad.

Consumers are weighing in on the latest offering from Steve Jobs, Inc., and they are not happy. In a recent marketing survey, 89% of iPad users found that it wasn't any more absorbent than the leading pad. Further, 97% said they continued to have that "Not So Fresh" feeling, even after changing the iPad multiple times.

Sandy Cheeks, Ph.D, a scientist from Bikini Bottom, USA, was vocal about her dissatisfaction: "I used the iPad, and it was terrible." In addition to being incredibly uncomfortable, Dr. Cheeks claims the 19-year-old Red Bull abusers who work at the Apple Store said that she voided the warranty.

"I used the iPad for 2 days. Not only was the charger port COMPLETELY unusable after that, the whole unit smelled like the Lindsay Lohan's yoga mat, allegedly."

"And then, when I hosed it off and brought it back to the Apple Store, they told me that I voided the warranty. I didn't try to 'jailbreak it', I didn't look for a replaceable battery, or try to run a Flash-based game on it. I glued it to the inside of my panties, and expected it to live up to its name as 'the Pad for the 21st century'."

"I'm going back to the method my mother always used; balled-up socks and masking tape."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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