Written by A MCRORY
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Topics: Poo, Dogs

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

image for Dog owners anger at 'turdy bird'

Dog owners are reported to be up in arms at news that UK scientists have genetically modified common pigeons (also known as 'rock' pigeons)to eat dog excrement. The pigeon whose scientific name will be (Columba Excrementus) is a wholly new species. This appetite for dog poo, which is highly nutritious was achieved by incorporating the gene that makes faeces attractive to dogs into the DNA of the new pigeons.

Kevin James of the Canine Lovers.dot.com explains,"Dog walkers have known for years that sometimes the only thing that will make Fido do his duty is a good old sniff of another dog's stool. If the new pigeon removes all the fecal matter from a dog-walking area then the local dogs
may suffer from constipation and fecal impactions, leading to large vet bills. Where owners can't afford to see a vet they will have to help the dog express itself."

The news has been met with indifference by pigeon fanciers. Norman Stocky of the Newcastle Pigeon Fanciers Guild said,"As long as they don't mess with the show birds then I'm not much bothered. I don't want my Betsy eating that."

Maggie Sheen from 'Clean Roads and Pavements'(CRAP)however, welcomes the news,"Its great news. I think its about time science came up with a way to keep our pavements clean. Perhaps they could create a pigeon to eat fag ends and bubble-gum too. One concern I have though is what will the pigeons produce if they're eating doggy poo?"

The new pigeon, nick-named the 'turdy bird' will be released into the general bird population in the next few years following consultations with the RSPB.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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