Written by Mike Monpas
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Topics: Space, Poo

Monday, 14 June 2010

image for Massive Space Turd Heads for Earth To Fulfill 2012 Prophecy

It turns out that Nostradamus and the ancient Mayans had a lot more in common than previously known. Thanks to top notch anthropology graduate students from the University of Nevada, Reno, it has been revealed that the year 2012 will be the end of our Universe as we know it.

"It's inevitable," said UNR Graduate Student Scot Kellie. "We've decoded Nostradamus's writings as well as the profound works of the Ancient Mayans. What we have learned is rather disturbing. Apparently a massive piece of space shit from a distant galaxy, launched years ago from what was previously a parallel universe in our own likeness is headed right for us."

It is a long known fact within the scientific community that even a small asteroid can have an enormous impact when it strikes the Earth from space. However, the 2012, "chunk of space shit," is said to be capable of delivering a fatal blow.

"When it gets here," said Scot Kellie, "you may as well just kiss your ass goodbye. It's going to kill us all."

According to the research conducted at UNR, a dwarf-like student named Chris Murphy who took part in a secret time-travel experiment nearly twenty years ago has recently reappeared back on campus. His tales are extraordinary.

"I've been gone for twenty years," said Murphy, "but it seems like only days. Anyhow, I ended up in a place much like Earth, only they have Winnebago-like spaceships much like the ones in Spaceballs-The movie. The problem is, they just release the contents of their waste containers directly into space, with out a care in the universe for who or where it may impact. I've seen so many planets destroyed while I was gone that it's not even funny."

Scot Kellie confirmed Mr. Murphy's prognosis. "It holds true. We spotted it last night with our giant UNR telescope. I estimate we have a few days before it gets here, but we're UNR and we can handle anything. Go WolfPack!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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