Arlington, VA - The Fellowship, aka the Family, a powerful religious and political force in Washington, DC has determined that the planet Uranus is inappropriately named and is seeking to have it re-named to something that children (and many adults) can utter without giggling and thinking about one's anterior anatomy.
The Rev. James T. Dingleberry is heading up the effort to get Uranus re-named. "While we understand that Uranus (giggle) was named after a Greek god, with all due respect, it is an awful name and we believe that the Greeks may just have made that name up to make English-speaking people sound like idiots when they say it. We can only surmise that the Englishman who was charged with the task of naming the planet after its discovery had a very wicked sense of humor."
The Fellowship came about their decision when asked by the Texas Board of Education to assist them in re-writing some of their textbooks. Rumors had circulated that a certain eighth grade science teacher lost complete and utter control of his classroom while teaching his students about the solar system and the planet came up. "Uranus is about the size of…" is all he could get out before the students finished his sentence for him with unsavory remarks. His complaints are what led to the eventual scrutiny of all books in Texas.
The Fellowship has requested that all members think about Uranus and come up with some alternative names. So far, the list is small and include such names as Largus (recognizing its size as a planet), Jesus (simply because they do not believe in Greek gods), or God (simply because they do not believe in Greek or any other gods and don't know God's real name).