Written by obituarist
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Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Apple unveils new iDie product
The iDie, get it now

Following reports of escalating suicide rates at its Chinese manufacturing plant, Apple today unveiled its latest iDie product.

The new iDie computer, a heavily-customized iPad unit, has the following features:

  • Slate, tombstone-shaped casing, inscribed with the birth and anticipated death date of the owner.
  • Ice-cold-to-the-touch screen.
  • Displays a dispiriting, de-motivational slideshow as a live wallpaper.
  • Samaritans and Dignitas "assisted-dying" hotline telephone numbers pre-programmed into the phonebook.
  • Browser home page set to the Times obituaries.
  • Plays the MASH theme tune when switched on and Chopin's funeral march when switched off.

Apple CEO and Chief Funeral Director Steve Jobs commented:

"People are simply dying to get their hands on this machine. We're really going to make a killing from it."

The iDie will be made available worldwide from 31 October.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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