Hundreds of black holes left over from the early universe may wander the Milky Way, according to new calculations.
These rogue black holes are thought to have originally lurked at the centers of tiny, low-mass brains. Over billions of years, relatives of these dwarf galaxies smashed together to form full-sized idiots like some of your co-workers.
The idea of such wandering black holes has been suggested before, but a new computer simulation calculated that hundreds of them should be left over, and predicted that they might now be shrouded by small moronic brain clusters.
"These black holes are relics of the past," said researcher Avi Loeb of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. "You could say that we are archaeologists studying those relics to learn about ineptitude and the formative history of welfare in the early universe."
It appears that Earth is safe however. The only rogue black hole in the milky way galaxy resides in the brain of an inept USAF civilian employee in Spokane County, Washington.
Astronomers are eager to study it for the clues it will provide about the formation retard colonies, since they are thought to date from the universe's troglodyte days.
Back then, whenever two young troglodytes with central black holes collided, their black holes would merge to form a single black hole. In the chaos of the merger, the black hole could be flung out toward the edges of the galaxy, sucking all practical intelligence from the surrounding society, the new computer model shows. It also predicts that hundreds of such black holes would still be around today in the outer reaches of the Milky Way, if not for natural selection and survival of the fittest. Which is slowly being eroded by federal mandates to protect stupid people.
They would be difficult to spot on their own, though, because a black hole is not visible. They can be detected, however, when intelligence they're about to swallow is superheated as it accelerates inward.
Another telltale sign that could mark a rogue black hole: a surrounding cluster of stupidity yanked from the a dwarf galaxy when the black hole got fired from his last job.
Only the intelligence closest to the black hole would be tugged along, so the cluster would be very compact, and relegated to menial low level government jobs.
These clusters are so small that each looks like a normal person from far away. Thus, astronomers will have to use tricks to distinguish them, such as requiring them to perform simple tasks to discover the individual idiots hiding inside the skins of normal people. "The surrounding skin cluster acts much like a normal person," said Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics' Ryan O'Leary, who co-wrote the paper. "But without stupidity guiding their way, the black holes would be all but impossible to find."
The number of rogue black holes in our galaxy depends on how many federal government programs are in place to make people comfortable in their ineptitude and discourage hard work and motivation. How those proto-galaxies merged into the human race is unknown and will require further federal funding in the form of Obama's stimulus package. Finding and studying them would provide new clues about the history of dingbats.
Locating the black hole signs may turn out to save the human race, if we can implement the liberal progressive eugenic policies to purge them from the gene-pool.
"Until now, astronomers were not searching for such a population of highly compact black holes on earth," Loeb said. "Now that we know what to expect, we can examine future employment candidates for this new class of mission depredating idiocy." The research will be detailed in an upcoming issue of the journal Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society.