Written by Mark Lowton
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: TV

Tuesday, 24 June 2003

Various health groups say TV shopping auction style channels should be banned on evidence which indicates they shorten life expectancies.

Channels such as bid-up.tv and Auction-World.tv sell highly-marked up goods at knock down prices in an auction style. Viewers simply phone in, or use the internet to place bids on items for sale. Most auctions begin at a very low price to entice people to ring in. As the price rises, bidders must make increasingly higher bids to stay in the auction.

Studies have shown that people who bid regulalry for goods on these channels will have a higher blood pressure and be at greater risk of strokes and heart attacks.

People who bid on these channels must also take into account the money they are losing on each item they buy. Not only do bidders end up paying too much for their goods, they have to pay extortionate postage and packing fees and phone bidders who ring up for the duration of the auction can face bills of on average £5 per auction. Bidding throughout the day can cause many financial problems for viewers, and increased stress and worry.

"It's a never ending cycle." Says one campaigner from SPAC (The Society to Prevent Auction Channels), "These morons, most who are already in debt, just get themselves deeper and deeper into debt. Then we, the honest law abiding citizen who pays tax so that these auction participating scumbags can spend it on buying crap. These channels should be stopped so that more of my tax money can go to worthy causes, not to people on benefits. Oh yeah, and to help save the poor souls whose health is being put at risk by fat cat executives who control the channels."*

The Trading Standards commission and ITC have both said the channels are operating completely within the law and their programmes have no health issues surrounding them. The health problems found in participants of any study are presumably a reflection of their diet and lifestyle.

There are no plans to ever stop auction channels from operating. The loan people Dial4ALoan are said to be in talks with Carlton to produce an auction channel which will loan to bidders so they can bid for goods. We will bring you more on this as we get it.

* TheSpoof is completely neutral on this issue, any beliefs of SPAC campaigners are not those held by TheSpoof.

Make Mark Lowton's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

3 5 14 24

Go to top