A man has become infected by a PC computer virus after inadvertently opening a rogue email attachment.
The man is being held in a secure quarantine "vault" in Mountain View, California, where he is said to be in the care of the world's best anti-virus experts.
According to specialists, the man's symptoms include seeing nothing but a bright blue color, covered with strange nonsensical text; seeing a constant barrage of flashing, expanding notices, which offer to "increase his size by 4 inches" and "lose weight with one weird trick"; and constantly flipping in and out of consciousness.
Scientists are working round the clock to try and identify the root of the man's problems, but are finding it difficult to adapt a standard diagnostics cable to interface with a human. They believe they have located the necessary port at the man's rear, but it does not seem to match any standard connector plugs.
Authorities are urging anyone who may have networked with this man, socially, to come forward.