Written by ExiledRoyal
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Thursday, 20 May 2010

image for Scientists make 'artificial life'
JORDAN being inseminated with bacterial semen

Scientists in the US have succeeded in developing the first synthetic living cell. The researchers copied an existing bacterial genome. They sequenced its genetic code and then used "synthesis machines" to chemically construct a copy.

Affectionately termed the Jelly Orientated Radical DNA Artifical Neo-cell (JORDAN), the cell replicates genuine life but is, in fact, entirely manufactured.

Professor Alison Wunderland, chief genetisist of the JCVI (Just Conceivable Vaginal Institute) told the Spoof, "We've now been able to take our synthetic chromosome and transplant it into a recipient cell - a different organism.As soon as this new software goes into the cell, the cell reads [it] and converts into the species specified in that genetic code."

The cell apparently looks normal but, despite appearances, is "kind of plastic".

Ms. Wunderland is excited by the groundbreaking discovery however. She and her colleagues hope eventually to design and build new bacteria that will perform useful functions.

"After JORDAN I believe the sky's the limit. Lemming Nazis, Self-destructing Bankers, Straight Homosexuals, Socialist Facists... just take your pick."

JORDAN was later spotted coming out of Heaven alone. "See there's hope," Alison Wunderland pointed out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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