Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 19 May 2010

image for Frequent Business Traveler Claims Fully Body Scanners Made Him Glow
Enjoy Your Flight, Sir.

Atlanta, GA - Howard Shemple, a traveling salesman for a large biomedical supply firm, has logged roughly 200,000 miles already this year on his frequent flyer card. This means he can fly anywhere in the world he wants for free at least a couple times. It also means that he goes through security on average at least ten times a week, sometimes more.

Recently, while staying at a hotel in downtown Peoria, IL, Shemple says he was showering and getting ready for dinner when the light in the bathroom blew. "Great," said Shemple. "So here I was, in the shower, getting ready to get out and the lights go out. At first it was pitch black, but then, I noticed a glow and I thought maybe there was a night light over by the basin, so I pulled the curtain back and looked in the direction of the sink. That is when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was freakin' glowing! Maybe you didn't hear me right, I was freakin' glowing, head to toe in a sickeningly greenish-yellow hue. I couldn't believe my freakin' eyes."

Shemple claims he didn't know what to do. He couldn't call the front desk because he didn't think anyone would believe him. He couldn't go outside or people would freak out. He felt like a prisoner in his room. "I wondered if it had something to do with the skin cream the outfit I was working for gave to me to use for an itchy rash, but I quickly dismissed that because I was glowing everywhere, not just at the site of the rash," which Shemple declined to mention where on the body this rash was.

The next morning Shemple called a clinic and was told to come in immediately to be checked. "When I got to the clinic, I was ushered into an examination room and told to undress and put on a gown. I did so and got up on the examination table and waited for the doctor to come in.

After reading several magazines and fiddling with the tongue depressors and various other medical supplies up on the counter and blowing my nose even though I didn't really need to, I sat back down and the doctor finally came in with my information in hand. He said good morning, smiled and then flipped off the light switch. I was glowing still. He flipped the switch back on, then off, then on, then off. Then he called his nurse and others to come take a look, while he continued to turn the light switch on and off as well."

"I was diagnosed with radiation glow." said Shemple, "The doc tells me there has been an increase in cases due to more and more of those full body scanners being used on travelers." Shemple was given a note from the doctor to give to security personnel at the airport to excuse him from having to undergo any more fully body scans. "The glow has faded, thankfully. Unfortunately, I'm now growing patches of hair out of that rash I told you about earlier."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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