Written by IainB
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Topics: Internet, Survey

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

image for Britons Now Use the Internet More
How much time do you spend in real life?

A recent study by Opsos, the blindingly obvious survey company, has shown that today, Britons are using the internet more than at any point in history.

"If we look at internet usage twenty years ago," said Opsos researcher, Quentin Aires, "we can see that there was very little, with an average of maybe half a minute a day across the population, whilst twenty years before that, there was even less. Today, the average is three hours a day, which is more than spent washing the car!"

Further examination of the data collected by Opsos indicate that sixty percent of the time spent online is spent on social networking sites.

"People have an endless fascination with accepting and ignoring requests for their online farms," Aires said. "They can spend up to an hour a day simply accepting vegetable requests from people they've never met. Or met in a sandwich shop, and never since."

People also spend a lot of time watching videos on-line, from services such as iPlayer from the BBC, playing games such as Second Life and World of Warcraft, and downloading music for listening to while they use Social Networking sites.

What is very surprising is that pornography has dropped from eighty percent of people's online time to a mere one percent.

"We put this down to the fact that there is more than just porn on the internet now." Aires said. "And that more women use the internet, and they're generally not interested in porn."

Opsos, however, deride the criticism that their study was flawed.

"People think that because the survey was online that this somehow invalidates the results," said Aires. "However, we disagree. Also, we discovered that I personally bring the average of the entire country up with my online activity. Now, could you excuse me, my strawberries need watering."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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