Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 18 May 2010

image for Element 117 named after Derek Acorah
Derek Acorah's new fan club

University physicists in Liverpool have synthesised a new superheavy element with the atomic number one hundred and seventeen, and named it after local celebrity hero and psychic Derek Acorah.

Acorahium, as it will be known once ratified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry. Nuclear physicist and head of the team that found the new element, Ray Deum, is sure that the IUPAC will take them name suggested by the Liverpool team.

"They couldn't name it after me," said Deum. "There's already an element called that. And the same goes for my colleagues, Nick Kell and Flo Rhine."

The new element is set to become a superstar of the nuclear industry because it is made from nuclear waste.

"Radioactive lead is one of the by-products of uranium fission," said Dium. "We smashed bromine ions into the radioactive lead, and pow! We had Acorahium. It has a half life of approximately one hundred and twelve milliseconds, which is quite stable for these superheavy atoms, but you couldn't build something with it. However, when it decays, it decays into uranium and magnesium. After centrifuging, the uranium can be re-used, and the magnesium is safe to handle after about half an hour with no detectable radiation."

As to why it was named after psychic Derek Acorah?

"Well," said Deum, "With it's incredible usefulness, simplicity of manufacture and it's solution to one of the world's most toxic problems, we needed a name that symbolised how none of us saw that coming."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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