CHICAGO, IL -- A Forest Lakes accountant, Mortimer Schwartz, is suing a plastic surgeon for medical malpractice claiming the doctor caused him a permanent condition of erectile maximus syndrome (PMS).
After seeking medical assistance for his erectile dysfunction at various clinics and while offered the usual male enhancement drugs which failed to work, Schwartz claims he sought the advice of a local plastic surgeon. Dr. Stanley Ironi advised Schwartz on the experimental use of a series localized Botox injections to alleviate his mallady.
The complaint indicates that after several treatments Schwartz was not only able to regain normal function, but that the erection has become self sustaining. Only ice packs seem to help. However, he claims, that the ice is uncomfortable and leaves embarrassing wet marks on the front of his clothing. Adding insult to injury, he says that whenever he smiles his upper forehead wrinkles, which never was the case prior to the injections. In addition, his buttocks muscles are clamped so tight that he has great difficulty passing wind.
The symptoms have caused Schwartz to discard an entire wardrobe for a somewhat baggier set to try to obscure his problem and avoid public stares. However, he still has not resolved the increased encounters with strange women resulting from occassional displays of his condition due to wind forcing his apparel against his lower torso. He is a gay man and that being surrounded by interested women is casting doubts on his orientation in the gay community.
He has also had to restrict his diet to avoid gas producing foods which has caused significant loss of weight.
In an interview with the defendant, Dr. Schwartz, states, "I have done nothing wrong and having nothing to say except to point out that the patient was over weight to begin with and should be grateful that I've got him down to a healthier weight. So let the courts decide."
"Since the story broke however, there has a very pleasing increase in the number of male patients seeking my services. Let the public judge if I am guilty of anything other than trying to help a fellow human being become healthy."