Written by C. Cranium
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Friday, 7 May 2010

image for Neanderthal Discovered Encased in Amber
Rene Jordane at Neanderthal dig site.

Neanderthal News Network, Vaucluse, France. Two weeks ago an almost tragic bicycle accident turned into the archeological discovery of the century. Noted Archeologist, and amateur bicyclist, Rene Jordane, 49, of Nice, distracted by his angry wife inadvertently bicycled off a cliff on a steep part of the Tour de France course on Mont Ventourx. Jordane landed in a mound of loose dirt one hundred feet below and, by some miracle, scrambled out of the way of a land slide and fell into a previously hidden cave.

Minutes later a very sore, stiff, and scratched-all-over Jordane recovered enough to see the contents in the dimly lit cave, and it was full of ancient artifacts, primitive tools, and cave art on the rock walls. Rene Jordane was in Archeologist heaven as he surveyed the cave interior, while being careful not to disturb the valuable site. At the back of the cave Jordane could see a large log with something bulging out on the side.

One hundred feet above his frantic wife peered down the cliff thinking that Rene was lost in the landside rubble. A few minutes earlier Jacqueline Jordane would have been happy to see her husband tumble over a cliff, but now realizing their estate was not in order she preferred to find him alive. Minutes later other bicyclists and cars arrived on the scene and finally Rene's bicycle was spotted far down the cliff in the rubble pile remains from the avalanche. Two hours later rock climbers repelled down the cliff and found the cave and a crazed Rene Jordane babbling something about Neanderthals.

Rene Jordane was able to calm down after realizing he was being rescued and gave the rescuing rock climbers a look at the cave interior. Returning days later with a crew of archeologists and students Rene Jordane reported to the scientific community the log with bulge was a Neanderthal encased in amber. How the Neanderthal was in the amber is a mystery and theories abound. It may be that sixty thousand years ago a drunk Neanderthal died while stuck to a tree, or he is an example of a ritual tree sap burial. Jordane now heads the formal archeological dig in situ and more answers will be forthcoming.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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