Research scientists at the University of Newcastle have made a startling link between DNA from ugly people and a particular variety of celery mainly used in vegetable packet soups.
The research, based on a sample of 540 people who described themselves as 'unattractive' revealed that their DNA profile bore similarities to the Apium plant family, to which celery belongs.
Dr Chris Hughes, who led the research, commented 'This proves what we have suspected for some time now. Not all of us are descended from apes, some of us are probably descended from vegetables or maybe even flowers who knows'
The British Medical Journal refused to comment on the findings, only to say that they questioned Dr Hughes's qualifications and that he should 'consider another line of work'