Written by KendoMonkey
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Saturday, 21 June 2003

Scientists at Caltech University, FL. have started research on small bacteria that will process or eat, faeces whilst still in the body. Microbiologist, Mark Thompson, explained:

"The bacteria could be swallowed as part of yoghurt and they'd work their way down to your bowels. There they would feed on any waste that came their way. If we can control their life span and make them unable to procreate, then we should have a great day-to-day solution for uncomfortable toilet stops."

Initial tests have apparently proved positive, although Mark does warn us of a caveat.

"Well, the problem is that these bacteria also create their own 'by-product' by eating your faeces. However, instead of solid waste, they create a vile smelling gas. Throughout the course of the day, it would be necessary to pretty much constantly pass this gas."

The Managing Director of a top bank gave us this response to the news:"It's great! Think of all the millions of pounds we'd save the toilet breaks! The future does look bright, if a little smelly!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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