Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 29 April 2010

image for NASA Tries to Sign Up Martians for Classes, Martians Resist
Little green people don't want to invade the earth.

After reading Stephen Hawking's comments that aliens may be unfriendly and dangerous, NASA has arranged a series of "Good Neighbor" classes for Martians. Housing, free meals, and cable TV (Sci-Fi channel included) are part of the planned curriculum offering. So far there are no takers.

On a visit to Earth, Head Martian Martina asks, "What does earth know about being a good neighbor? Fuhgeddaboudit. We read Google news too, you know." She went on to point out that, given the amount of crime, squabbling, fighting, financial shenanigans, and political maneuverings currently taking place on earth, Martians had no desire to either go there (on a permanent basis, that is) or learn its ways.

Pulling herself up to her full height of two feet, the little green alien scratched her pointy head, adjusted her Stella McCartney outfit, and commented that Martians have a lot of self-esteem and plan to stay put. "Earth can keep itself to itself," she said.

Martina had a parting shot: "NASA can take its curriculum and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. They may be selling, but we aren't buying. I'm staying long enough to see the Kentucky Derby, then I'm outta here."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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