Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: Death, Chocolate

Friday, 4 February 2005

image for Pasta Replacing Botox
Pasta, pasta, pasta!

With the recent disclosures that Vioxx may cause heart attack, stroke, death and other side effects - prompting one to ask: Side effects? What's left? Definitely going straight to hell? No virgins, ice cream or chocolate pudding? - questions about Botox side effects have been raised. Side effects being so prominent, perhaps an ER type series will soon be produced titled `Side Effects' drawing an audience somewhere between Jonathan Creek and Waking The Dead.

With side effects in mind, researchers at the Institute for Pasta Studies, located in Italy, birth place of wrinkle free Sophia Loren, have found substantial evidence suggesting Botox is one of the possible links to memory loss. The institute points out that Botox temporarily paralyzes neuron messages from brain to face, making these neurons depressed. When an individual is laughing hysterically, but no message is transmitted to the face, neuron depression sets in with eventual departure for places unknown, packing up and leaving like a petulant child or eye roving husband.

An alternative to Botox injections was announced by the Institute for Pasta Studies. Research found that people remain line and wrinkle free eating large quantities of pasta. Doesn't matter what kind. Linguini, ravioli, lasagna, tortellini, fusilli, angel hair, three times a day, any pasta will work, cooked with the loving touch of Chef Giada De Laurentiis of the Food Network. Pasta acts as a paste, sort of like Elmer's glue, supporting tired and aged skin, making it ship shape, stand to attention, smoothly snapping back into place when a smile is over.

Using Botox to emulate the smooth and youthful face of Isabella Rossellini may be a miracle, but when one part of the message system of the brain is stopped, a domino effect kicks in with other neurons. Quit the smile, slow the memory: Do I own a car? Was it a Hummer or a Prius? Who is that serious looking person in the mirror? Was I one of the stupid 51 percent who voted for what's his name? Am I what's his name?

The Institute does warn that though a small side effect to eating pasta may be weight gain, your face should remain wrinkle free, smooth as a tomato, and you can eat all the chocolate pudding you want.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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