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Topics: Parents

Tuesday, 1 February 2005

image for Study reveals connection between raising children and stress levels.
Above: After child bearing, the woman becomes easily agitated and greatly increases her stress levels

A study released Monday revealed a connection between the raising of children and stress levels. This concerning study shows that having and raising children dramatically increases the stress level's of parents. The stress levels rise early on and at a dramatic rate. Even at pregnancy, a mother's stress begins to rise. She begins to think about the future, and about why has G-d punished her. She starts eating for two full-grown adults rather than one peanut of a baby, and a rapidly increasing middle-aged woman. These are sure signs of raising stress levels.

Although he wished to remain anonymous, the doctor who published this report had this to say. " It seems that woman are punished because of their disobedience. Because they break the original sin, they are faced with extraordinary pain, and worst of all, the stress that comes with raising a child."
This report stressed the fact that woman, more than men, seem to experience these high stress levels.

Although we aren't positive, we believe this can be attributed to the woman's pregnancy. With her already dealing with the child 9 months early, we have reasons to believe that the child already raises the stress levels of mothers as soon as they find out they are pregnant.

Although men also have increased stress levels, it appears that it does not prevent them from carrying on with normal day life. "Yeah. I'm going to have a baby, but I don't need to worry about it until the day actually comes, do I? Am I being a bad father-to-be?"

Unfortunately, the women get upset much more easily. "I go to work, and people just assume that I'm getting fat. They don't even consider that I might be having a baby, do they? And they are too afraid to ask, so they just stare and stare and my big fat tummy all day. It annoys the devil out of me!!"

The women also expressed their irratation of their husband's blase attitude. "I'm here dying, trying to survive and keep our baby alive, and he's just drinking his coffee, reading the paper and trying to discuss politics with me. He thinks I feel like talking about death when I'm trying to survive with our bleepin' baby!!"

When further preasured, Most of the women consented that if the rest of the world was nicer to them, maybe their stress wouldn't soar.

The children, when asked, said they also feel stressed when their parents are around.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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