Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 19 April 2010

image for ThiPad Web Surfing Tablets Coming to a Pub near You
The Wall Mounted ThiPad, ready for Surfing or Whacking while Wiping.

Slightly modifying the successful mid-size touch screen and web surfing platform, the Flush-N-Go Corporation announces the release of a new series of wall mounted "ThiPads" for use by patrons while using public restrooms.

Bracketed to the wall or stall, the ThiPad swings out to be used as a personal computing device, while patrons are finishing their business. "Of course, we've added some advertising up front before web access is granted, but that helps to defray some of the bar owner's cost", says ThiPad developer, Mitch McCockle.

Patrons seem excited about the possibly of checking e-mail or surfing the web when otherwise wasting time while passing waste. McCockle says, "Women love it because they can do a background check on a potential scum bag they've just met. Guys love it because, well, let's just say they can unload the gun before heading back into the bar."

When asked if the ThiPad was really intended for anything other than porn, McCockle replied, "Guys are already in the stall with their iPhones, I mean this is better resolution and I can sneak in some advertising too. Thankfully we designed them to be fluid resistant and easy to clean".

The test ThiPads seem to be a hit for advertisers to both sexes. Bloomingdale's marketing Vice President Hal Harris says, "We run one single shoe ad over a weekend and our stores are flooded on Monday. It's a fantastic advertising platform". Men's advertising appears to be effective as well. Subscriptions to paid porn websites is up 73%, hunting and fishing web sales are up more than 27%, while book sales including titles like "How to Be An Effective Husband" are actually down 49%.

"Some things work, and others don't", says McCockle. "We tried a book targeted at women titled How to Orally Please a Man, but that wound up bankrupting the publisher. We live, we learn, we'll stick with Bloomies".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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