Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 6 April 2010

image for iPad Blamed for Job Loss of Keyboards, Protest Planned
"Don't count us out," the keyboards beg.

Three traditional computer keyboards addressed an amazed group of visitors at the Javits Convention Center in New York City yesterday. The keyboards told the crowd that, since the introduction of the Apple iPad (a tablet computer that allows communication through a touch screen) and similar computers, many of them were losing their jobs. Not all users choose to attach a traditional keyboard when a virtual one is provided.

"We're just being put out to pasture, with no warning at all," one of the keyboards said. "And with no special compensation or early retirement benefits or anything," another keyboard added. "It's an outrage," said the third keyboard, continuing, "and we're not the only ones." She pointed to a computer mouse and a computer mouse pad in the first row of the audience. "Our colleagues -- well, a lot of them are losing their jobs too."

The first keyboard advised the audience to think twice about using virtual keyboards. He said it's totally inappropriate to smudge up computer screens with dirty fingers. "This is progress?" he asked. The second keyboard said, "Why not leave your computer screens nice and pristine and continue to let us handle your commands?" The third keyboard, nodding agreement, told the attentive audience: "Just let your fingers do the walking on us. Not on your computer screens."

In concluding remarks, the keyboard-in-charge said that the keyboards were considering a protest to make their point. The protest would involve shutting off the power to communicate (they've already figured out how to do it) of all virtual keyboards. He said that the date would not be announced in advance, adding, "Just wait until computer users the world over wake up one morning and tap and/or pound on their virtual keyboards to no avail. There will be no response, no response at all. Then they will be a little more appreciative of us and the job we do. Put that in your pipe and smoke it," he said defiantly as he led his colleagues out. When he reached the exit, he turned and gave his parting shot: "A pox on the house of virtual keyboards."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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