In a press conference held yesterday at the Nowhere Institute of Technology (NIT) Isaac Newton's Apple Conference Center; scientists and engineers from three major research centers (NIT, Berkelee and Vermont Lab for Homeopathic Studies) have announced plans for the installation of a huge air conditioner at the North magnetic pole capable of reversing global warming and of creating enough snow to hold the next winter Olympics in the Sahara desert.
"The air conditioner," says chief project geek Shor T. Summers, "works on a revolutionary principle of energy consumption that puts to work the major magnetic resources of the North Pole without digging, pipe lines or messy, hard to clean up oil spills."
Summers does admit that certain technical problems have not been completely solved:
"We are a bit worried about possible freezing of the ozone layer but feel that eventual leaks in our all-CFC cooling circuits should effectively minimize the problems of all that floating ozone."
Summers also mentioned that there was a very real possibility that the Scandinavian Peninsula could crack open and disintegrate due to devastatingly cold winter chills, but dismissed this as insignificant collateral damage; saying, "Oslo is not all it's cracked up to be, and while it's too bad for Copenhagen, who ever wanted to vacation in Finland?!"
Ecologist's are divided over this solution to the problem of climatic warming. A masked Greenpeace representative who refused to be identified said "These guys must be crazy . . . have they even thought about freezing the whales!!!"
Brigitte Bardot, the ex-movie star and one-time sex symbol who has become one of France's leading animal rights leaders is quoted as saying "Oh mon dieu!!!, . . . the poor little seals, their fur coats won't be enough to keep them warm now!" and when confronted with the project chief she reportedly said "Phoque you!"
A spokeswoman for the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) said:
"We think this is a great idea. Polar bears will soon have an ice passage all the way to London, Paris and several other major European capitals. We believe that closer proximity with the human population will sensitise many people to the plight of these pristine white creatures who are just so cute when they are small. We will soon be releasing a stuffed animal in form of a baby polar bear holding an air conditioning remote control. Be sure to buy one, proceeds will go to buying up cows to save them from becoming McDonald hamburgers."
The air conditioner which will be built by an international consortium including out of work sub-contractors from the French TGV project, retired engineers from the supersonic Concorde and striking French industrial workers who are always available in great numbers should be ready to function within a year and a half.