From Switzerland, news of the Large Hadron Collider being revved up brought questions concerning the possible creation of a black hole that might swallow the earth.
Professor Parsons, head of operations at the Swiss facility, had the following to say on the subject:
"Concerning black holes, there are some exotic theories which predict we could create microscopic black holes at the L.H.C. However, if true, these black holes would decay very rapidly and would not pose any danger at all. So, any worries about the creation of potentially dangerous black holes is entirely unfounded.
"To tell you the truth, the black holes that already exist bother me more. Of primary concern to me is whether Obama's black hole will completely envelop him, leaving only his teeth visible when he reads from his TelePrompter."
Thank you, Professor Parsons.