Written by CacheUK
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Monday, 3 January 2005

image for Mobile Phones Rack up 20 years of (ab)use
Ironically speaking down a microphone so the person of the other end of the phone could probably hear him anyway.

The mobile phone, the bane and savior of modern day communication. The whole story began 20 years ago when comedian Ernie Wise made the first mobile phone call in the UK accross the Vodaphone network.

20 years ago mobile networt coverage was only 22% and even owning a mobile phone was the preserve of the rich and famous. Now everyone not only owns a phone but also has a radiation blasting mobile phone base station in their back garden, or, if you live in a flat, in your front room. These base stations have pushed microwave ovens out of the top slot for cooking dinners, Mr. Watts, a spokesperson for Kenwood, a leading microwave oven company said: "The base stations are simply far more powerful and cook meals more quickly than the traditional kitchen based microwave, We at kenwood will shortly be moving into the mobile base station market to sumplement our traditional sales in that area."

Therefore the lucky flat dwellers can now not only eat dinner in front of the television but also cook it there.

Mobile phones themselves havent really changed at all. The first phones were large tempermental bricks whose functions were limited and often depended on what we have already said was only sparse network coverage. The latest 3G phones are also large bricks which depend on the network to support there supposedly "easy to use" functions. The old phones needed charging everyday at least, the same often seems to be true of the new ones. And yet another thing that hasnt changed - mobile phone companies are still saying things will get better. George Handy of German based company T-Mobile said "The phones of the future will be smaller, lighter and be able to carry and transfer more data more quickly and more efficiently. " a listener at the time when this was said commented "we've heard that one before."

Mobile phones have become the bane of modern travel - train users get on thier mobiles to complain loudly to freinds on other trains about the annoying person next to them using a mobile phone loudly - this is fortunatly something the brits understand as irony.

Language has also been changed for good - it used to be something that was used for concise communication that we could all understand, now, texting has replaced it for this use the only difference being that no one seems to understand precise "cntnts of a txt msg" at all. This is beginning to become a problem for english GCSE examiners who have recently had exmainations submitted entirely in "txt" language. While students who do this get an A* for creativity it does seem to show that they are.... nt v gd at eng.

So after 20 years of the mobile what has been achieved? Well people are always in contact and have no privacy (particularly from voyeur phones... i mean... camera phones...) they still have to carry around bricks to have this privalage of a lack of prviacy and, despite all of this, still cant make a call when they need to because of the network coverage. Bring back the traditional two way radio I say. Over and out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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