Written by Proffitt
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Topics: Blind

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

image for Blind soldier uses tongue to see the world!

A UK soldier has received a new device that allows him to see using his tongue. Spoof's science correspondent told us, "The device which looks like a pair of super cool sunglasses uses the tongue to interpret complex things and then translate light into other complex things. His brain then reads those things and 'hey presto' he can see!"

Corporal Lundberg who was injured while on duty in Afghanistan said "It's great that they designed this thing to utilise my tongue but surely they could have designed it to use my eyes! I look like 'a right dick' walking around with my tongue hanging out like some sort of hound dog."

The device has also had an impact on his sex life. "My girlfriend says I should be able to find her 'G' spot quite easily now but I swear its just not there," said the soldier.

We asked an MOD spokesperson - If you can make a man's tongue see, why not just make his eyes see? "That's a good question." he said. "We thought exactly the same thing half way through the project but by then it was too late to turn back."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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