Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 9 March 2010

image for How to make your phone indestructible
Break! Damn you! BREAK!

Scientists in Sweden have discovered a direct correlation between the desirability of a mobile (cell) phone and their destructibility.

In other words, the more desirable a phone is, the more easily it is destroyed, whilst the converse is true, and those phones you just wish would break, never do.

Electronic engineers at the Institute of Research and Applied Technological Expertise constructed a series of experiments.

First up was the highly desirable iPhone from Apple. Possibly the most desirable phone in the world, according to their theory it should be the most easily destroyed. Sitting with one in a back pocket shattered the phone into its component parts, so a less destructive test was applied: sneezing whilst sending a text message. The small amount of mucus landing on the phone rendered it inoperable in a way that was not covered by warranty.

Olaf Arminute, one of the researchers, put forward his own phone, that he had got in 2002 and at the time thought was a little naff. Now, he detested the phone and was quite happy to have the rest of the IRATE researchers destroy it in the name of science.

First they dropped it, then they dropped it into the sea from a specially charted helicopter. They used it whilst diving at five hundred metres and attached it to a firework. Finally they put it on the track in front of an approaching train. The train was derailed, but apart from a small scratch near the hash button, the phone was undamaged allowing them to call for the emergency services, which was handy as the wind from the crashing train had broken all the other researchers' iPhones.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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