Professor McNerdy, concluding a 30-year study on the composition of bitterness, hate and spite, has discovered that revenge is sweet as lollipops.
Working from his local laboratory, Prof. McNerdy carefully selected test subjects Mary and Tom (names changed to protect their identity) and subjected them to constant observation night and day for almost three decades.
What he learned was illuminating.
"When I first met them, Tom and Mary were only teen-agers on the brink of adulthood with a love of life and their whole lives ahead of them", said the Professor.
"Tom and Mary eventually fell madly and passionately in love. But it was to be short-lived. Tom was a fucking asshole. He slept with a local cow - the animal kind, not some ugly female local. Mary and he broke up and went their separate ways but appeared to remain on apparently cordial relations - Mary even attending Tom's wedding to said cow".
But Mary's vengeance was lying dormant beneath the outward layer of peace and calm.
"Mary vowed revenge in private. I have the video of it. Keep it next to those clips of her washing her arse - for scientific reasons, naturally. Fascinating".
In January of 2010, Mary got that vengeance she so craved, that vengeance she had kept secret from Tom.
"She called Tom and invited him over to look some rolls of wallpaper she had bought - or so it seemed. Tom innocently came around and discovered the door to Mary's house open. He went inside and upstairs and discovered Mary in bed with the same local cow"
Professor McNerdy then entered and took a sampling of the air.
"It tasted sweet and sugary. The smell of...victory".