Scientists at Bridlington University have uncovered a "link" between food consumption and weight gain in humans. Dr Wayne Bruce, visiting Professor of Sandwiches from the Barnsley Institute claims that "Fatties" may well eat more food that their natural enemies, Thinnies.
The findings come hot on the heels of news that the biggest possible tub of sugar covered popcorn and a litre of fizzy drink consumed while sat on your arse for a two hours in a cinema may well be contributing to excess weight gain.
Campaigners are now calling for clearer labelling to help people, such as signs that say "Off" on devices such as televisions and games consoles, and clear labelling of areas such as "Outside".
"What people need is more labels on things", claims Dr Wayne, "that, or indeed some level of personal responsibility for their own wellbeing".