Martians are appalled by the news that astronauts will, at some point in the future, be heading for their homeland. With an intergalactic wiretapping audio-visual device, a Spoof reporter was able to observe, and listen to, a conversation between two Martians in one of their local pubs.
"Why can't earthlings stay where they are and mind their own business?" one Martian asked. "Don't they know when they're not wanted? No manners at all. Didn't their mothers teach them to wait for an invitation before barging in on someone else's home?"
His friend agreed. "Earthlings are really piggy. They want it all." Then he added: "And they're mean and bossy too. Look what they did with poor little Pluto. Told him he no longer qualified as a planet, that he should call himself a 'dwarf' planet. I mean, that was a real blow to Pluto's self-esteem. But those selfish earthlings didn't even care."
"Right," his friend answered. "But with us, it's more than naming issues. I'm afraid they'll want to grab some of us and bring us to earth. Oy!" The other Martian downed a sip of beer and shivered. But he was a little more practical and said, "I don't think they'd attempt to kidnap us or anything." He adjusted his antenna. "We could, after all, just give them a nice little zap if they don't behave themselves."
"Or," said the other Martian, "we could always call pest control, and just let them take care of the earthling infestation problem."
Electronic interference ended the surveillance at that point. However, The Spoof will continue to follow this story and provide additional reports. It's part of an ongoing series: "Saving our Planet: The Mars Beat."