Written by FeeAssCo
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Friday, 12 February 2010

image for Climate skeptics lack intelligence to read

Yes it's true. At last the news that green campaigners have been waiting for - all climate skeptics are brain dead morons who can't even manage to do their own secondary research (reading other people's papers on the subject).

An anthropolegicalgeolistical study by the University of Western North Pole has uncovered the fact that most climate skeptics haven't actually read any scientific papers on the subject. Rather than conducting their own investigation into what has been called "civilisations biggest problem ever" they are leaving digging up the dirt to uneducated journalists who are out to make a quick buck selling any old news story with no facts needed.

It appears that what makes a good [aka popular] climate story is anything that makes scientists look like a bunch of lying idiots who haven't got all the answers for everything. Any story that supports the commonly accepted paradigm is quickly consigned to the waste bin, and has the effect of lowering next days newspaper circulation figures. If instead they pick fault with one element of one scientific paper then it was great. Dr Daivad Burnmesser a well known climate sket-pic said "look it obvious, if one piece of data is wrong then all of it must be".

Trying to link this finding to why people are happy to believe any old tom, dick or harry who's job is to sell newspapers, the researchers found that most people lack the intelligence needed to understand complex thermodynamo-cack and chaotic-neurotic-spasmoradic weather systems. Instead they are generally lazy, half literate and apathetic to anything that might mean making changes to their lifestyle and therefore happy to believe whatever is pushed under their noses.

What was even more apparent was the less scientific material a person had actually read on the subject, the more sure they were that it was "all a pile of pants cooked up by the government to tax us more". The reverse hypothesis of this also held true - that people who could read, and had indeed used this skill to read about global warming were pretty sure it was happening, and were "very angry that all these half literates were running round ruining their planet".

Armed with this new evidence the conclusion was "that we need more Al Gore's". Well, at least someone who can put a public face on trying to make the graphs look pretty and tell a tall story that is actually believeable and has no errors in it. Asked for comment another mainstream sket-pic Prof Analyos Retentos retorted "Of corse I can reed, overwise how would I know theyd been lyin about the numbas, shh, sesame street is about to start".

QED.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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