Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 2 February 2010

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OOPS! OH BUGGER!

Disgraced cosmetic surgeon Jaffari Al Jiggyjig faced a second day of questioning by the Greedy Medical Council over allegations that he ruined a patient's sex life when he allegedly botched a penis enhancement procedure on a man known as 'Patient X'

Yesterday the panel heard that Dr Al Jiggyjig entered the operating theatre with the smell of alcohol on his breath and unsteady on his feet. In a disastrous turn of events the surgeon was half way through what should have been a routine procedure when he slipped with the scalpel and cut the patient's member clean off at the midpoint.

Panic ensued as nurses battled to stem the bleeding and the anaesthesiologist battled to keep the patient in a safe state of unconsciousness.

The emergency was brought under control when a quick thinking cleaner slapped a bulldog clip on the penis stump, successfully checking any further blood loss.

It is then alleged that Doctor Al Jiggyjig instructed a technician to pop round the local fish and chip shop to purchase a saveloy, a three inch section of which was grafted between the penis stump and the severed end, resulting in the patient having a nine inch penis consisting of 33.3% saveloy sausage.

Doctor Al Jiggyjig denies medical negligence and initiating improper surgical procedures, but claimed that he had upheld his side of the contract by providing the patient with a fully functional, dimensionally enhanced penis.

Mr X then gave evidence to the panel, stating under oath that his penis was now of bizarre physical appearance and that it constantly gave off odours of chip fat, which potential partners found offputting and frequently subjected to ridicule.

All of which proved ruinous to Mr X's sex life as maintaining a sturdy diamond cutter of an erection was consigned to distant memory.

Mr X is claiming substantial damages and pressing for criminal charges to be instigated. He also requested that court officials cease and desist from calling him "sausage cock."

The hearing continues.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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